Dear Mega Millions Winner,

Congratulations on winning the recent Mega Millions lottery! I’ll make no secret of the fact that I was also trying to win the jackpot, but I don’t want to be a sore loser. It was a hard-fought battle, but you won fair and square, beating out millions of other contestants.

I can’t imagine what your life has been like for the past couple of days (although I’ve certainly fantasized what mine would be like if I ever won a big lottery).

My guess is that you will opt to take the lump sum payout of approximately $380 million, since that is what the vast majority (over 95%) of winners do.

Based on that likely payout choice, I wanted to offer some words of advice.

First, if you can (but I don’t think you can), try to remain anonymous. If you can’t, at least show up to claim your prize wearing a fake nose and mustache.

Second, be sure to hire a lawyer, an accountant, a financial planner, and Jim Borden before you do anything else.

Third, open up accounts at Vanguard and Fidelity, and when you receive your payout, put the money into a mix of diversified mutual funds at these firms. That’s all you need to do, nothing fancy. Your money will keep pace with inflation, grow over time, and be safe. No need to put the money into high risk investments; you already have enough money for your children’s children’s children’s children, etc., and Jim Borden. You (and I) just want to keep it that way.

Fourth, don’t buy anything over six figures for at least a year. Take a while to get used to your new found wealth and discuss what is important to you and your family. This will likely include a mix of vacations, second homes, charities, relatives, and Jim Borden.

Fifth, avoid giving money to complete strangers. This letter serves as  a way for us to get to know each other, so that you don’t consider me a stranger. So if you are looking for a friend to talk to who has no ulterior motive, please feel to contact me at any time.

Finally, read this article, “Curse of the lottery: Tragic stories of big jackpot winners“, and make sure you don’t follow in their footsteps. All of these tragic stories had one thing in common; none of the lottery winners ever gave money to Jim Borden. Perhaps things could have turned out better if they had. Maybe, maybe not; but why take the chance?

Congratulations again; I hope that your new found wealth brings you and your family (and Jim Borden) peace and happiness.

Your friend,

Jim Borden

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Jim Borden

Accounting Prof. at Villanova; happily married for 30+ years; father of 3 outstanding young men; vegan; interests: fitness, creativity, education, blogging, social media.

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