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Onion Story Hits Close to Home

I saw the following headline in The Onion today:

Man Surveys Party For Next Group To Silently Stand In

and I thought, “Hmmm, sounds like me.”

I then read the story, and it was eerie how well it captured my party behavior.

Here’s the brief story:

Determining the time had come to seek out livelier company, local man Thomas Weber reportedly surveyed the party he was attending Thursday for the next group he could silently stand in. “Let’s see, which of these clusters of people do I want to linger in for the next half hour or so without saying a single word?” thought Weber, who sources said had grown bored with the stale conversation of the partygoers he was mutely hovering around. “Those people over by the refrigerator seem interesting. Maybe I’ll wander over to grab a beer and then just sort of loiter around the periphery smiling and nodding my head every so often.” At press time, no one in attendance had realized Weber left the party without saying goodbye to anyone.

I can go to a party and not say more than five words, and then leave without anyone knowing I’ve left (and most people probably not even aware I was at the party).

Apparently I’m not the only person who behaves like this, since I’m sure the Onion reporter must have run across one or two people who served as the inspiration for this story.

So this post is just a shout out to all the Thomas Weber’s out there – you are not alone.

Maybe we should all get together and throw our own party. I can’t promise any scintillating conversation, but there will be quite a competition to be the first person to leave…

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Jim Borden

Accounting Prof. at Villanova; happily married for 30+ years; father of 3 outstanding young men; vegan; interests: fitness, creativity, education, blogging, social media.

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